On the first day of election bribes, Jacinda gave to me: a holiday on Matariki.

On the second day of election bribes, Judith gave to me: two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.

On the third day of election bribes, Shane gave to me: three billion trees, two four-lane highways, and a holiday on Matariki.

On the fourth day of election bribes, David gave to me: four semi-auto rifles, three billion trees, two four-lane highways, and a holiday on Matariki.

On the fifth day of election bribes, Marama gave to me: reforming ACC, four semi-auto rifles, three billion trees, two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.

On the sixth day of election bribes, Grant gave to me: six nationalised SOEs, reforming ACC, four semi-auto rifles, three billion trees, two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.

On the seventh day of election bribes, Paul Goldsmith gave to me: seven baby bonuses, six nationalised SOEs, reforming ACC, four semi-auto rifles, three billion trees, two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.

On the eighth day of election bribes, James gave to me: eight private school handouts, seven baby bonuses, six nationalised SOEs, reforming ACC, four semi-auto rifles, three billion trees, two four-lane highways, and a holiday on Matariki.

On the ninth day of election bribes, Jami-Lee gave to me: nine screaming conspiracists, eight private school handouts, seven baby bonuses, six nationalised SOEs, reforming ACC, four semi-auto rifles, three billion trees, two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.

On the tenth day of election bribes, Geoff Simmons gave to me: ten pothead candidates, nine screaming conspiracists, eight private school handouts, seven baby bonuses, six nationalised SOEs, reforming ACC, four semi-autos, three billion trees, two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.

On the eleventh day of election bribes, Winston gave to me: eleven amateur interviewers, ten pothead candidates, nine screaming conspiracists, eight private school handouts, seven baby bonuses, six nationalised SOEs, reforming ACC, four semi-autos, three billion trees, two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.

On the twelfth day of election bribes, Brooke gave to me: twelve sets of tax cuts, eleven amateur interviewers, ten pothead candidates, nine screaming conspiracists, eight private school handouts, seven baby bonuses, six nationalised SOEs, reforming ACC, four semi-autos, three billion trees, two four-lane highways and a holiday on Matariki.