Picture a rustic jetty on the shores of serene Lake Tarawera. Hanging off the jetty is a small swim ladder.  

For many New Zealanders the image might evoke thoughts of easy-going summer holidays with laughing children jumping from the jetty and using the ladder to climb back out. But behind that idyllic imagery lies a sinister reality.  

The swim ladder posed a potential threat both to life and limb and to the lake’s ecosystem. You see, it protruded 11cm beyond the consented footprint of the jetty. 

Who, you might wonder, would be thoughtless enough to possess such irresponsible infrastructure? With deepest shame, I confess it was me. 

Fortunately, our stalwart public agencies stood ready to protect the public and the environment from my negligence. They rode to the rescue armed with a raft of approval processes. 

The opening shot from our courageous agencies was a letter from the Bay of Plenty Regional Council expressing its concern. A veritable barrage of bureaucracy quickly ensued. I was required to obtain approvals from the Council’s Maritime Team, the Department of Conservation, Fish and Game, Land Information NZ, and Te Arawa Lakes Trust. 

To the relief of all concerned, the Maritime Safety Team determined that the ladder did not constitute a hazard to shipping. Subsequently, approvals trickled in from the other agencies. But the approvals process was just the first line of defence. 

Next, I had to submit an extensive application to Te Arawa Lakes Trust. Detailed plans, GPS coordinates, and consideration of cultural values were required, capped off with a $400 fee.  

Some four years later, the Council was finally obliged to issue a consent. As a parting shot, they sent me an invoice, detailing six hours and 45 minutes of staff time priced at $775.08. That brought the total cost of legalising the ladder to $1,175.08, amounting to $10.68 per millimeter of its extension beyond the jetty’s originally consented footprint.  

I paid gladly. After all, no price is too high when it comes to public safety and environmental protection. 

This tale of bureaucracy heroism enjoins us to reflect with reverence on the noble public agencies that protect us from all dangers, great and small. Duly chastised, I am grateful for the lesson and have reformed my previously cavalier attitude to public safety.