The role of pets in politics came into focus on both sides of the Atlantic this week. First with President Trump’s comments that Haitian migrants were eating cats in Ohio, and then with British PM Kier Starmer bringing in a rival to the Chief Mouser to cabinet. 

While the former president’s comments appear unfounded, concerns that the Mouser has become a victim to partisan politics are very real.  

The role’s current occupant, Larry, is a distinguished moggie with a tortoiseshell-on-white coat and a no-nonsense air. Having served in the position for thirteen years (and outlasting five Prime Ministers) your correspondent understands that the decision to bring in an alternative may have been spurred by concerns about his politics.  

Although officially a neutral public servant, Larry received his appointment under David Cameron’s conservative government and has served with only Tory cabinets since. This has led to concerns about Larry’s economic philosophy, including on the possible redistribution of pet food within number 10. 

Starmer would not comment on whether Larry still had his confidence.  

Although only a recent creation, the Chief Mouser’s responsibilities are numerous and deadly serious. Larry is the only cabinet member with the infamous ‘license to kill,’ granting him impunity to exterminate domestic targets with extreme prejudice.  

“It’s a serious role and the PM believes a younger, faster, cat can do it better,” one staffer was overheard saying.  

Larry’s behaviour within and without Downing Street has been floated as another potential reason.  

“The PM is very set on a professional and respectable catnet – I mean cabinet. Scrapping in the street, cavorting with female companions, and grooming his nethers – all in full view of the media might have flown with Johnson, but it won’t with Starmer.” 

On the other side of the aisle, the leader of the opposition has accused the PM of betraying his party’s values.  

“Larry is a working-class moggy, adopted as a stray, a cat who has pulled himself up by his bootstraps to the highest office available to felines in the nation. To throw him out in favour of a purebred purchased from a breeder shows Labour’s working-class rhetoric is all bark and no bite.” 

However, concerns have been raised about the new Starmer appointee’s nationality. Larry’s potential replacement is understood to be a Siberian purebred.  

“Siberia’s in Russia last time I checked.” One anonymous source was quoted as saying. “It’s hardly reassuring that the PM is giving the run of number 10 over to a foreign national. It could take us within a whisker of catastrophe.”